My Fickle Heart...
Read: Psalm 1
Sometimes I feel like it’s easier to live life in the shadow of sin… It’s seems easier to not have to mind my thoughts and actions. It seems easier to profit myself. It seems easier at times to live selfishly. These thoughts can last about two to three minutes… Then reality kicks in.
It’s so much harder to live a life of trying to cover your tracks from lies. It’s so much harder to live a double life. It literally takes twice as much work. It is so much harder to deceptive and self-centered. People don’t like working with self-centered people and nobody wants to do business with salesman they can’t trust. Life is harder outside of the truth the God of the Bible gives.
For me… I just want to be someone who loves God passionately. I want God and everyone else to know that about me. Yet, being someone who is passionate I battle the hills and valleys of my emotions. The hilltops are amazing. These are the moments I sing and dance and feel confident about my day. The valleys, for me, are the nights I lay awake wondering how the future will pan out. The valleys, for me, are the dark nights of the soul when I’m wondering why I don’t feel God as close as I did that first day I put my trust in Him.
This is why I cling to His Word. I’ve read the bible cover to cover in many translations, in print and online. The truths of God and His promises will not fail. My brain knows that.. my heart sometimes needs a reminder. It needs a reminder because it is a fickle. It moves here and there and can be disloyal or… unfaithful.
When I was 20 years old working at a sales job a woman challenged my passion for God saying to me “when you’re 30 you are going to look in mirror and cry realizing the world is not what you thought it was”… The lesson there is at some point we have to consider who we will be. For me, I’ve chosen to love the Lord and follow His ways. It’s not always easy but here I am in my mid 30’s, and when I look into the mirror… I see a sinner saved by grace, and I’m thankful.
Regardless of the ebb and flow of my heart, I know that God loves and draws me continually closer to Him. His job is to do the heavy lifting in my soul, my job is to worship Him passionately. I invite you to do the same.
Prayer: God today, create in me a clean heart. Make me someone who loves and is devoted to you. Help me to give my heart to you everyday. Help me to learn from your wisdom and be like a tree that is planted by a stream of living water that bears fruit. You are the great God of the universe. I don’t always understand that… but I trust it. I love you Lord for you are my God and my strength. Thank you for always loving me.