Are you a disciplined person?  I'm not... 

I want to say that not being disciplined is hard but there are lots of things that are easier about being disciplined.  Spoiler alert (I'm more disciplined than I let on).  I have to be.  I'm a preaching pastor.  That means I'm reading, studying and writing for roughly 16 hours a week. In addition to that I've recently started my Doctoral studies at Bethel Seminary San Diego.  I work out a minimum of three days a week and eat a consistent diet with one (maybe two... don't judge me) cheat days.  So yeah, I understand the benefits of discipline and appreciate it very much.

In fact I find discipline to be something I admire and have a very difficult time applying...  I can't tell you why, but, there is something in me that rejects that "next step".  This is why writing on my blog is so hard and why I'm not announcing that I've "restarted" my blog.   Back to why... Why am I resistant to the things that will be better for me?  Why do I push back from taking the leap into what I think will be the next best part of my life.  I'm a simple person so bear with me, the answer is 1) I'm comfortable and 2) I'm scared.

Easily stated, I'm scared of being uncomfortable.  This is why working out and dieting have been difficult for me.  This is why taking the next step in my personal pursuit of writing has been difficult.  This is why... you fill in the blank.  But I'm tired of being disappointed in myself and I reject giving myself "a pass" when I know I have more to give.  Maybe that sounds crazy.  It probably is.

My whole life people have been pushing me to be better, take on more, turn up the heat and push past my perceived limit.  Honestly it's been discouraging and exhausting.  My perspective when someone says "you can give more" is "what is wrong with me the way I am?"...  Maybe for the longest time I've had a victim mentality... maybe I've been a victim and I don't want to talk about it... maybe.... (I'll let you run with your thoughts here).

Today I don't feel this way.  Today I feel as though I can do more... and not just that I "can" do more but "I want to" do more.  NOT A LOT MORE!  Slow down.  Don't start putting too many expectations on me.  How about a step?  I can do that.  I can take a step.  I'm okay with an imperfect step.  A step nonetheless.  A step toward discipline

Enough about me.  Two quick questions for you: 1) How can you take a step? 2) What is holding you back?

I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Assad SaifComment